In change work, emotional coaching, and NLP or hypnosis practices, knowing whether someone is associated or dissociated can make all the difference. Here’s a breakdown to clarify both states, how they present, and when to use them effectively.
Association is when a person experiences an event or memory from a first-person perspective. They’re inside the scene, seeing through their own eyes, feeling the emotions, and sensing everything as though it’s happening now.
Describing a memory using “I” (e.g., “I was standing in the kitchen…”)
Feeling emotions in the body
Vivid sensory engagement (sights, sounds, physical sensations)
Often intense or immersive
Dissociation is when a person observes an event or memory from an outside or third-person perspective. They’re not inside the experience emotionally, but watching it, think of it like a detached observer or viewing a movie of it.
Describing a memory using “I saw/see myself…”
Emotions are distant or muted
Often less sensory detail or flattened tone
Increased perspective, but less emotional connection
🧠 Imagine a relaxing day at the beach...
| Associated | Dissociated | |
|---|---|---|
| Perspective | “I’m lying on the warm sand, sun on my skin…” | “I see myself lying on the beach from a distance…” |
| Emotion | I feel Calm, peaceful, warm | Neutral, observing, not strongly emotional |
Association and dissociation aren't just technical concepts, they determine how a client processes emotions, remembers events, and responds to change.
Too Associated? The client may feel overwhelmed, flooded by emotion, or stuck in a reactive state.
Too Dissociated? They may feel numb, disconnected from themselves, and unable to truly process, connect to other or resolve feelings.
So being a coach or therapist it is really useful to get a sense of where a client it at.
Here’s the real twist:
We’re always associated to something.
Even when someone is “dissociated,” they’re still associated to the experience of being dissociated. Think about it—if you’re numb or emotionally distant, you’re still in that state. It’s just a disconnected one.
So the question isn’t:
“Should they be associated or dissociated?”
It’s:
👉 “What are they currently associated to?”
👉 “Is this useful for the outcome the client is looking for?”
Sometimes, being dissociated helps us avoid pain, this is exactly how hypnotic anesthesia works. So as a coach or therapist, it's worth considering: What are the pros and cons of associating or dissociating the client at any given moment?
When you’re guiding a client, it’s useful to ask:
Do I need to connect them to the problem state, just enough, to calibrate it?
So you can spot the shift when it happens?
Do I want to associate them into a positive state?
So they can feel what possibility actually feels like in their body?
Or is it time to help them dissociate from a negative loop
so they can step back, breathe, and access a more resourceful part of themselves?
Sometimes the most powerful thing isn’t “going deep” but helping someone get some space.
| State | Useful When… | Not Useful When… |
|---|---|---|
| Association |
✅ Calibrating problem states |
❌ When emotions are overwhelming ❌ When reliving trauma ❌ When needing logical problem-solving |
| Dissociation | ✅ Reducing emotional intensity ✅ Gaining perspective and objectivity ✅ Exploring challenging events at a distance |
❌ When avoiding emotions altogether ❌ When stuck in analysis ❌ When healing requires embodied awareness |
Association and dissociation aren’t right or wrong, they’re tools. Powerful ones. They help us shape experience, navigate emotion, and ultimately, support change.
In coaching and therapy, knowing when to invite someone into an experience, or when to give them space from it, can be the difference between progress and overwhelm.
As you work with clients (or yourself), keep these questions in mind:
What state is the person currently in?
Is that state serving their desired outcome?
What would happen if we shifted that state—even slightly?
Mastering this dance between feeling fully and stepping back with perspective is at the heart of change work.
Before you finish reading, take a moment to try this for yourself:
Think of a mildly positive memory, a moment of calm, joy, or pride.
Step into it fully. See what you saw, hear what you heard, feel it in your body.
Then, step back. Watch yourself in that memory like a movie. Notice the shift.
Now try the same with a mildly frustrating or stressful memory.
Notice how each state, association and dissociation, gives you a different angle on your experience. This is your power as a practitioner or a human: to move fluidly between them.
Which state do you tend to lean toward, association or dissociation?
Have you noticed times when shifting between them helped you gain clarity or relief?
Drop a comment or share your thoughts, I’d love to hear how this lands for you.